Welcome to my website. Its all about me! Yes you've got it – another egotistical maniac let loose on the world wide web! I hope you enjoy the stories and the blog. Its basically just me having a good old complaint about those in authority and anything that pisses me off on a daily basis.
"Best web page in the country"
- Stephen Nolan BBC Radio
Emma sat on the edge of the small uncomfortable bed. It was a far cry from the nice double she had at home. So this was it. All the years of hard work and she'd finally made it. It had always been a struggle to keep up with the other students at school due to her diminishing sight but somehow the promise of future reward willed her to the finishing line. Of course once the acceptance letter arrived, the whole thing had been worth it. Hadn't it? The sense of fulfilment and satisfaction had been short-lived though.
Moving away from home was daunting enough for most 18 year olds but being registered blind presented a whole other host of problems. . How would she cope? Cooking? Washing? Everything whirled around in a huge question mark yet none of the answers seemed forthcoming.
Now seated in her room at university, the sickening anxiety had reached an unbearable level. Ok so she wouldn't die of malnutrition after all microwavable meals were virtually idiot proof. Besides she was pretty capable in the kitchen after a whole summer of practise. Much more uncertainty lay in another area. This was the one element which she had little or no control over. The prospect of meeting her peers would definitely be the biggest challenge. With some considerable effort she fumbled around the window frame attempting to find the latch. It opened with a shove and through the gap soon came the sounds of people. They were talking and laughing. Sharing a world of new visual delights that Emma could only begin to imagine. They seemed so carefree and happy and she felt herself green with jealousy as they slipped so easily into a whole new way of life. She knew the best move would be to enter the communal living area. This would be the first step to meeting and getting to no others. No cane or accompanying guide dog meant that she would have to tell them which would undoubtedly involve a few uncomfortable minutes.
Usually people felt obliged to query it. Not from a sense of prying but merely curiosity. She knew it had to be said, the same procedure to go through every time but for some reason it never got any easier. She'd try to keep herself in check but recounting the history of her sight loss never failed to cause a lump in the throat and an overwhelming desire to cry. Annoyed with herself, she'd quickly change the subject and hope that her account seemed relatively devoid of emotion. She'd heard countless tales of other blind people dealing with their disability. Some had achieved sporting greatness, others worked in high power jobs and others had heaps of friends and what seemed liked the perfect life. Instead of finding encouragement in such stories, she felt a heavy weight of expectation. Perhaps the person who expected the most was herself. She wanted to be the perfect blindy, if there was such a thing. Although academically this had been easy enough to achieve, sociallaking perfection had proved difficult. The past seven years of high school had not been a great success socially. Naturally there were a few friends, goodtimes and happy memories. Nevertheless being blind in a school were everyone else was sighted continually established social barriers that no amount of effort could breakdown.
She drew in her breath and waited. How long could she sit here. It would soon be dinnertime and the inevitable meet and greet would have to happen. Personality was crucial, it was important to let them know that she was fun to be around, positive and at least on the surface comfortable with her blindness. The room was chilly now and it was already getting dark outside. Perhaps she could unpack the rest of her CDs and then take the plunge. It was like diving into a swimming pool. You knew in theory what you had to do, swim, reality though meant not knowing how cold the water would be and if you'd be able to keep yourself afloat. The time had come, no more excuses. She confidently walked to the door and slowly opened it. This was it, her big moment, time to sink or swim.
It was 5.30 on a cold Friday in November. Andrea sat waiting for the bus to depart. The stench of sweat from the bus driver was almost overpowering. Sometimes having such a sensitive smell could be a real pain in the backside. She decided to shove her back down at her feet. The bus was filling up fast and she would not be afforded the luxury of spending the bus journey in her own seat. Outside several more people waited to board but her blind eyes could not see their faces. She always tried to listen just in case someone would get on that knew her and then at least she could try to guess their voice before they whisked passed with the briefest of greetings leaving her in a state of frustration. No voices seemed familiar so she thought it might be a good time to check her phone. No messages came the electronic reply and satisfied for now she tried to make herself comfortable. As predicted someone collapsed in the seat alongside her and for a moment she hoped they would not engage in conversation. Often the cane on her lap sent out some sort off invisible signal which said you must talk to this blind woman for the rest of the journey as she will be bored.
The young man relieved at getting the last seat was in no mood for dull conversation either. He picked up his ticket and tucked it into his wallet. For the first time he took a quick glance at the person beside him. A woman, dark hair and with a folded cane on her lap. He did not immediately recognise her and seeing the cane decided that further examination of her face would not be noticed. He knew almost instantly who it was but checked himself before exclaiming her name. She was blind? He pondered the thought for a moment. He knew her well, there relationship had been brief but wonderful but back then she was sighted. He wondered what had happened in the meantime and considered that the subject might be a delicate one. After ten minutes of silence. He concluded that not speaking would be as bad as speaking. Besides would she even remember him. A lot had happened in his life since those days and clearly for her too. She made some movement and pulled a music player from her pocket. He realised that if he did not speak now she would be lost in the music until the end of the journey and his opportunity would be gone. "Excuse me, I'm not sure if you'll remember me the names Jack Smith". His comment had been a surprise not just because of the fact that it was the first thing he'd said but also because of who it was.
She automatically recognised the voice. It hadn't changed. Perhaps the accent was a little less Austrailian but it was definitely him. "Jack, my God above all the people I expected to meet on this bus" she replied with a keen awareness of her situation. She could not see him now and though her blindness was something which she'd grown used to, the distinct disadvantage it left her not proved very annoying. Soon thoughts of the past flooded back. Memories that she'd almost resigned to the dustbin. Since the accident five years ago, she'd ploughed so much effort into getting her life back on track and become a fully fledged blind person that many of the previous events were blocked out. This completely chance reunion though sent shockwaves through her calm little world.
What was he doing back in Belfast? Would he ask her about her sight loss? What would she say? After a few seconds of thought overload. She decided that remaining calm, at least on the surface, was crucial. Ok so the accident had made her blind but dealing with it and moving on, had helped her find an inner strength she never thought was possible. Ironically this time she was prepared for him. Ten years ago she'd been weak, pathetic and above all too heartbroken to fight back. Now it was his turn to feel some pain. "So what brings you back to this part of the world? Hows the company working out?" She'd expected to hear a response full of ego and self-absorption. Instead he'd been slow to say anything, hesitating and stuttering over some of the words.
He was back in Belfast looking for work. The company had flopped after a few years. He'd misjudged the market and employees had been stealing company funds. He'd married but separated a short time later whenever his gold-digging wife got fed up living in poverty. Andrea couldn't think of how to reply. She wanted to say how he'd deserved the whole bloody lot. Somehow though she found herself feeling sorry for the poor sod. All these years she'd wanted to get him back and make him hurt like she had but his sincerity caught her completely off guard. "I'm sorry. Seems like you've had a tough time." He wanted to make some reference to her having a tough time herself but it might come across pitying.
Well looks as if the next few weeks may see me moving into my new house. Technically speaking its my old house but it got tumbled and rebuilt so I suppose that means its new! Anyhows! all I know for sure is that it will mean me getting my own bedroom back. Yes I know in this modern era of unprecedent wealth many take for granted the luxury of having their own bedroom. However for me the past two years have meant bunking up with my two sisters in a less than spacious bedroom.
Ok so it hasn't been as bad as all that afterall I have had the relief of my own room in Elms during term time. Nevertheless, the time that has been spent in our temporary accomadation (while the house is being built) ain't exactly an experience I'd recommend. Generally its been like big brother minus the cameras, the gays and of course the prize money! Hell I'd gladly have put up with the first two if I could have got my hands on a few thousand. Sadly the real world doesn't work that way and I just have to be happy with getting my own space back. Though I suppose after two years of living in these conditions I'd probably breeze through the big brother experience. Now all I have to do is head for the auditions, change my sexual orientation and act the general fruitcake!
Ok so the subject of this blog may seem a bit morbid but really it should be seen as a positive thing. Clearly I'm soooo bored that I've nothing better to do than write this but thats hardly the point, I'm sure like all my other blog entries it will produce some nugget of golden inspiration!!!!
well I'm not looking for much really and I think all these are pretty achievable. So best get cracking. I think fudge cake is in order!!!!! mmmmm
Perhaps I'm missing something but weren't we supposed to get a heatwave this summer! MMM wonder where its got to, there was that one really good week back in early June there which looked real promising but can't say the aftermath has lived up to my expectations. I wouldn't mind, but why don't they just tell us the truth instead of every summer building it up like where going to be given Spain a run for its money! Come on, at leat we would all be happy if we knew we could rest in the surety of mud/rain and the odd bit of raw sewerage as the backdrop for a delightful NI summer!!!!
Got the old locks trimmed today. It wasn't out of time thats for sure, my hair was beginning to give Rapunzel a run for her money! So with the whole summer thing kicking off and all this glorious sunny weather we've been having - NOT!!! - it seemed like a good time to cut it and save myself some excess hairdressing for a while. Well one things for sure its left my head feeling so much lighter!
Back on bebo! Im back, and no its not some poor attempt to quote from the Terminator movie! I've been neglecting the blog recently so I now intend to bombard it with crap all summer! Yipee! hah! hah! hah! Ok I think I'm done now!!!
Yes, I can truly say technology has left me pretty screwed over the past week. Ok so I did go on a bit of a suicide mission by throwing tea over my poor, little laptop but I hardly deserved a mobile phone malfunction to boot! Last monday I had to sit FEC (it does what it says really FEC law a pile of FECK!), being my most studious self I got up early and decided to do some pre-exam study, accompanied by some strong tea. Well one thing led to another and you know what's coming next! Yes I did it! I admit to it! A fleeting moment of sheer madness that I'll probably regret forever! Ok so scalding my laptop isn't exactly the same as murdering someone but hell it felt quite bad at the time! I hope its the closest I get though if certain people push me in the wrong direction - you never no - I might just be tempted to go there again! Well, suffice to say I had to do the test minus my laptop, which turned out to be an unprecedented disaster. Oh well! at least I know that the warning the teachers used to give in school about eating/drinking round computers really does have some substance!
I'm just down right fed up with bloody revision so thought I'd air my frustrations through the usual method. really nothing i want to say other than - I wonder if you can get permenant brain malfunction through too much information in such a short timespan. Oh and I also want to thank the individuals, who at 6.20 this morning, decided I needed a bit of an early wake-up call. I haven't tracked them down yet but its only a matter of time. The wake-up call consisted of loud talking, door banging and other such horrific activities. So whoever is responsible for this crime against humanity could they please own up now - I really don't hae thve energy to launch a fullscale investigation and you can remediate your crimes by doing all the dishes in the kitchen!!!!
Yes, believe it or not, the Elms establishment is now trying to stop hard-working students from concentrating on their revision. This evening a seemingly freak fire alarm saw everyone in Sycamore 3 outside in the rain! Ok so it wasn't exactly a tropical downpour. Nevertheless vital time as wasted, as the staff attempted to clear the building of smoke. Just for the record at Queens, the students were more than happy to risk life and limb to re-enter the building and continue with study. However the staff made it quite clear that this would not be tolerated. Ok so the whole thing was over in about 10 minutes but thats hardly the point. The fire starter (and I don't mean the Prodegy song) did not identify him/herself, but my suspicions are that it was all a set-up and the cleaners probably planted the smoke-emitting device this morning, which was subsequently triggered by a student (acting as agent for the Elms establishment). Clearly this type of policy has only one aim - to distract and deter students from their work but never fear I'll be ready for them the next time they try to pull one like that!!!!!
I'm suppose to be studying for the old exams today but I thought I'd put my energy into writing a pointless blog instead. Hard to believe but its just so much more productive. I think I've been making a rather good attempt at doing as little revision as possible. I've introduced a large helping of rubbish tv shows, music, food (sweet stuff of course!), regular naps and even a bit of shopping. Yes I just couldn't resist the pull of the retail God today and I'm not ashamed to admit the plastic got a bit too much use! Anyhows, now that I've got the retail over with, I might consider doing a bit of work - though I think a nap is in order first!! mmmm
I'm seriously contemplating revenge on a certain individual tonight! I just can't decide on a plan evil and twisted enough to fully express my irritation and increasing distain for them. Nothing is too horrid - I'm thinking itching powder, rats and public humiliation. Of course all these combined won't even create the desired effect so I'm going to put my thinking cap on and come up with something great. I know I've got it in me, It will just take some time...something of which I don't really have at the minute but as Bob would say 'the times they are achanging!'
I hate to break it to all those exercise freaks out there but I've come to the conclusion that it can kill you! Wel me anyway! Lol have been trying to do some this week (first time in two years) I know what a joke! I had an ambulance on stand by just in case things got messy. I really do want to get into the whole thing and enjoy it! Seriously though is enjoyment of this sort of thing possible? Perhaps practise will make perfect and all that! Alternatively I could go back to my slobbish existence of eating, tv, bed and thats really it! Mmmm its so tempting but I must resist otherwise the last ounce of determination I have left will wane and I'll be back to square one!
Its probably not such a good thing to list the things that really tick you off but I'm going to do it anyway! As I've lots of time to waste (not like I've a coursework deadline next Friday or anything!)
I have to say the weather we've been getting recently is first class! Its hard to tell the difference between NI and Spain at this rate, here's hopin it continues the whole summer, and to think the tree huggers of this world would have us suffer dull, rainy summers for the good of the planet! I just want to take this opportunity to thank the US government for its stance on the climate change debate and all those good people who are felling trees in the Amazon. Thankyou for your tireless efforts to make our planet a warmer place and NI just that bit more bearable!
In case you haven't guessed it yet I'm going to the JT concert tommorrow night. Can't wait, it should be lethal! I hope it lives up to my expectations, I've been looking forward to it now for a while and Mr JT better not disappoint! I'm expecting shear extravagance and of course a healthy dose of cheese! The radio has been advertising that some people will be joining the man himself on stage in his sexy back dance club! Mmmm I imagine this is the cheese factor. Well anyway don't care how much cheese there is, its going to be fantastic and I'm sure I'll be joining JT for the afterparty, haven't got my invite yet but I'll probably get it in person - much better anyway! So all those going to the concert I know were in for a good one...and for those who are not... well tough luck!!!
wel I crash landed back to the big smoke of Belfast last night and it suddenly hit me....yes its that time again when all students are buried under a mass of coursework deadlines, exams and any other health hazards the lecturers feel like throwing at us. I've already got the cold and its only a matter of time before another deadly illness coems knocking on my door, not sars or tb but rather the much feared cramitis. Symptoms include late nights, over-indulgence in academic books and excessive amounts of coffee. But don't worry...wait no do then you've definitely got it. I'm sure every other student will be struck down to though its only a matter of time. The cure... just keep going and make sure you have uour university prewarned to have someone standing by when you finish your tests, so they can take you to the nearest....PUB!
Easter is fast approaching and so too the annual issue of what egg to pick. Normally my choice is buttons eggs all the way, but this year I'm agonizing over whether to break with tradition and go with a completely different egg. I know after so many years its hard to take that plunge, though I feel the time is right with the politicians finally putting aside their difs and all that jazz. Now for the all important decision. Ah there's so much to choose from, may be I'll give them all a go and find out which one is EGGSTRA special. Hee! hee! hee!
This blog is all about random things that have been said to me of recent time. Some of them should be judged in the light of alcohol enduced rambling!
Damien on his bday: "If you want to be with us Andrea you'll have to go all the way!" (Ah Damien mind you he was far on, running round shouting to everyone - not to mention shoving a tube light up his trousers - lucky he didn't get searched coming out of the Fort, would love to have heard his explanation!)
Lecturer quoting from some judgement about this guy who went to a (dodgy club) after a night out: !after closing they decided to go to another establishment in pursuence of further refreshment" (yes and judges clearly live in the real world!).
Liam on Halloween night: "I hope for Martin's sake you're wearing you're knickers Andrea!" (I'm not making a comment here but we'll let Liam off with this one)
Man in some food place after night out: "we only serve sausage rolls and sandwiches here" (oh for fuck sake why? who wants that? I want my bloody customery curry chip!)
Martin: "You're such a diva Andrea" (ok, may be a little, sometimes... so if I'm a diva where's all the money that goes with it not to mention the fame!)
Martin: "Doesn't Donal have the softest belly ever" (yes Martin I fully agree, having tested it to ensure it reaches EU soft belly standards!)
Yes tv in Elms is that poor I have to watch the Eggheads - annoying quiz show on BBC2 at round 6 every evening. I just want to see them get beat! The show puts some ordinary goats v. quiz experts like the winner of Mastermind and such programmes. Well, obviously they aren't going to be easily defeated but its been 28 programmes now - its getting a bit boring. May be the BBC have a really crap budget for it and can only let someone win once in a wonder. In view of this situations, I've been tempted to take the Eggheads on single handedly. Hah! what a sweet victory it would be to crack those Eggheads open!I'd scramble them so good they'd be no use even on children's tv quizshows! Hee! hee! hee! (sorry too much sugar today!)
Thought I'd give off some stink about how much reading law involves. Yes, I know you do come into it with 'you're eyes open' so to speak but its still no preparation. For example, one book I have at the minute contains 1700 pages. Sadly this is not a criminal law textbook or I could have tried it out as a possible murder weapon. No rather its an english land law textbook - its amazing! Forget the Bible, Shakespeare and even Harry Potter - this thing will nock you for six - literally! Oh wel may be they're designed in such a way as to encourage law students to end the pain by clubbing themselves over the head withit. Still I suppose its a great cure for not sleeping at night and of course it does make a rather decent dor stop!
I can't really declare myself to be an animal lover but I have suddenly felt the urge to save some squirrels. Basically its all down to Elms (aint it always!), this year my block is right beside an area of trees and other such greenery which seems to attract among other things - squirrels. I have been reliably informed that these squirrels however are the grey (foreign ones) that someone brought over from North America ages ago. I'm not dead against animal migration or anything but they have kind off taken over. There's been loads of research done on how they are pushing out the native red squirrels by taking over their habitats. So in light of this development and now that I'm surrounded by the grey invaders - I have decided to stand up for the red ones. My save the squirrels campaign will start off peacefully - may be the odd sit down protest (as I'm too lazy to stand hah!) but if some progress is not achieved I'm afraid I might have to go militant - perhaps stealing the grey squirrels food or smoking them out of the trees. Any fellow sympathisers are welcome to join my not for profit organisation - though there will be an initiation ceremony which involves swinging from one tree to another in imitation of the dear old red squirrels.
I have to admit I'm a big radio fan - I usually switch between radio four, cool fm and citybeat. I don't really have an issue with radio four - its always quality. Love the plays and books they feature and silly shows like Just A minute! They are v.fun - however I can't listen to talk radio all the time - I need my music fix everyday. So that means citybeat and cool fm. I would listen to radio one except I'm alergic to it. Its crap! the DJ's are even crapper! The only one I could stomach for any length of time is TrevourNelson on Sat evening. So I'm left with citybeat and cool fm - citybeat in the morning consists of the Mark and Dave show - honestly you should listen in purely for the laugh of listening to them. They are shit and I mean shit! Random unfunny jokes and a pile of other trash that makes no sense unless your 30 with a 10 year old mind. Talk about dumbing down and the alternative is Pete (know his surname but in't got a clue how to spell it) on Cool fm. He stinks to - this silly game where he rings people up and pretends to be interested in buying a house or such stuff and then keeps them on the phone for ages, finally revealing himself to be - Pete ? from Cool Fm. Its just so stupid, half the people don't even know who the fuck he is! Why bother! He's wasting his time - may be the local radio stations have decided that everyone's listening to their ipods now and so they don't bother having decent DJ's. Still I suppose there's a light at the end of the tunnel in the form of Queens Radio. Haven't tried it yet but looks increasingly like I'm going to have to take the plunge!
I watched a really disgusting programme tonight on the top 50 things you just would not want to know about your food. I couldn't go through them all but there was one particularly outstanding disgusting point that deserves an extra mention. It involves foreign bodies appearing in your food. Would you believe around 2000 of them do every year in the UK! Ranging from rats, mice, spiders, glasss and yes to top it all off a condom! Yuck! yuck! and yuck! I heard earlier this week that some woman found a worm in her fish from Tesco's (NI by the way so don't think this was england or scotland). I also heard that they are calling some brands of cereal bars of the shelves because they contained visible rodant parts - tail and all! Mmm - lucky individual that got that one - its like the golden ticket of foreign bodies. they should set up a competition for the rarest one. I think the condom would win hands down though. Has to be the rarest - seriously what do factory workers be at! I read this thing one time where one was found in someone's curry - they probably thought mmm very generous with the chicken in this one aren't they. Bit chewy though! Could have been doing with a while longer under the grill! Lol, lol just lets thank goodness I haven't fallen victim to it anyway but wait come to think of it I did eat that curry.....
Little did I know that one morning this week in uni I would make an amazing discovery. It happened at breakfast time. I went to my cupboard for my usual bowl in which I placed my daily allowance of Special K (I could just spend the rest of this blog talking about it on its own but what follows is so much more interesting). Anyway I added the milk, as you do and proceeded to throw it into me while have paying attention to GMTV. Things were going fine, just my normal breakfast routine and then it happened! A flash of shear brilliance on my part. Yes you'll never guess it, but I managed to put two cloves of garlic in with the cereal. Yum, yum! the taste, the flavour - the fact that I'd made such a delicious discovery..... Ok may be not so nice, needless to say I didn't actually eat them but I got the message that they were there and that was enough. Thankfully I didn't complete this senario by subsequently puking but I certainly gave it a hard try. Bit drastic a measure for putting me off going to class and I'm not sure if the cereal manafacturers would be inclined towards my new departure in breakfast time cuisine. However it did make for an interesting start to the day. Just not one I want to repeat anytime soon again!
Whenever I moved into Elms last year I remember thinking this place is a bit prison like. God I was right! Bars on the windows, a secure locking system and plastic covered matresses. Wel, I've already wrote about the window and the locking system so I guess that leaves the matress. Plastic covered - just like prison I bet! (not that I'd know - never having been a resident myself) but I'm guessing their just the same - bloody uncomfortable anyway. May be its a secret ploy by the university to ensure that students don't sleep too long and miss their enlightening classes or may be its just a ppreparation for those students who will end up behind bars someday. They should make it compulsory for the Holyland troublemakers to spend a few months in this place. . Ah its really not that bad I suppose but sure I wouldn't be happy if I didn't have something to give off about. Wel, at least I can thank my lucky stars that I'm not one of the unfortunate residents who rented out bed linen from elms reception. Some of them are finding the sheets are too small for the bed, hence one can find oneself rather lying on the plastic covered matress when morning comes. Ouch, I pity them having to peel themselves off it, as if getting up isn't a hard enough task. Still a bit of corporal punishment never hurt anyone. Just glad I'm sitting pretty with my extra large sheets. Hah! Hah! Hah!
A bit odd writing about my window but I thought it deserved a mention. Last week I noticed that the bar that goes across the middle of it (so you can open and shut the thing) had become loose. Up until today I could manage to slot it back into the hole on both sides and use it as normal, but today it came off in my hand! Oops - now it just looks like a crow bar lol its times like this you know your living in Belfast. I'm sure it would be useful for the odd punishment beating. I wonder if I could rent it out. Of course it would be on an hourly rate and their would be money deducted if it was returned with any blood etc. Despite this tempting venture into the world of paramilitarism I think I'll just continue to use it as a window bar. Afterall I need to open and shut it so its kind of necessary.Looks like I'll have to find another way of making some dosh!
As everyone is well aware I'm sure its paddys day on Saturday. So in true me style I thought I'd put down a few interesting comments about the great man himself. I consider myself some what an expert having studied it for two too long years. Not a chapter in my life I wish to repeat but at least I managed to find out the real significance of the 17th of March. Well, here it goes. Patric was born ? Wales? England? Who knows doesn't seem like anyone does. He was brought to Ireland as a slave, where he prayed and all that and eventually went back and became a holy man. He wasn't the first man to bring Christianity to Ireland - no huh! imagine and all the lies we've been pumped with all these years. Rather it was some dude called Palladius - so its him we should be celebrating really. Wouldn't you know the man who was supposed to be the saint of Ireland was actually a dissedent lol how ironic. He also drove over his sister, who committed adultery, in a chariot! Don't forget he drove out the snakes too (though there's still a right few of them left behind - in my view anyway!). Of course he topped that all of with living to the grand old age of 120. Hah! and who said drinkig the bit out on paddys day was mockery of the man! Seems to me like he was a bit of a nutter himself. So happy St Patrick's to everyone!
Buses are so full of randomness, especially the bus from Belfast to Dungannon. Being a seasoned student bus user, I've been subjected to these incidents on a regular basis. For example, a few weeks ago Martin and I got onto the bus and had to go on to the top deck (due to crowding). There were a couple of kids on the top deck running about (nothing unusual there) the weird thing is though that they had a dog! A small pup to be precise.How did they get that on? Never got to the bottom of it but it was random. Then I heard that the other week there was a big row between a couple of fellas on the bus and the police had to be called. Finally I got on one other day and was met with the most overwhelming smell ever. It sort of smelt like cheese and onion crisps, sweat and somethin else all mixed together! I thought I was going to puke! So that completes the random happenings on the bus, I'm sure you'd get it on all of them to some degree. I did give the Armagh one a try once but found the journey tedious, a full hour and a half to get to Armagh! Ok may be if it had been somewhere decent I wouldn't have minded but Armagh not exactly somewhere you want to be unless you have to!
Pigeons have been a source of great fear and annoyance to me for many years now. They used to inhabit the trees outside my house. Scary times, being wakened every morning by the pigeon call. It drove me to insanity (may be I can't totally blame that but I will anyway). Anyhows, the best cure for these evil creatures was complete extermination. Drastic action in the form of tree cutting was the answer. Ah, the peace i had after! An then they returned. This year in Elms I'm at the very back near some trees and you can guess the consequences. Pigeons! Pigeons and more bloody pigeons! How can I live with that, as if the student life isn't hard enough! So any budding tree fellers out there. I can't offer any renumeration just the comfort of knowing that I will be able to sleep soundly, free from the wrath of the pigeon!
I'm sure everyone is relatively familiar with the First World War and the disease that the men got known as trench foot. Well basically (as far as I know) it involves standing in water for long periods of time and this leaks in through your shoes and you contract an infection. Fair enough you would have thought this disease was irradicated after they got rid of the trenches. However this does not seem so! Only last month, a young Northern Irish male student (not to be named but you know who you are!), was diagnosed. Terrible tragedy, even more so when you consider that it all came out of leaky shoes! Yes this poor man was not subjected to the harshness of WW1 trenches but rather shoes (with over-sized air holes). Sadly, it would appear that this all stemmed from the shocking financial situation of the modern student. All is not lost though, the government has just announced that it will be making shoe vouchers available to all students from 2008 onwards. Meanwhile those wishing to combat trench foot should consult a WW1 history textbook. Good luck!
During this week in Elms i have noticed a number of weird vibrating noises. Centring round the radiator in my room and a few other places as well. Strange or what! At first I thought it was the radiator taking a psycho, then a mini earthquake or finally they were drilling Elms for oil. Must have been the oil. Though the upstairs residents do make quite a collection of strange sounds from time to time. Perhaps someone had a visit to a certain shop and went a bit mad after! My poor radiator being subjected to that. I should draw up a therapy bill and send it to the offending individual!
This complaint blog concerns slagging off the much famed Elms. The security system in Elms is definitely silly. Yes you have to have a key card and slot it into about three doors before you actually get access to your room. Hardly necessary. Sure why not just leave the door open - what's the worst that can happen really - cats piss, a mass murderer or the odd rapist! Ok so its probably a bit necessary. However, i would like to say that the barier system for letting cars in and out - stinks! Sure if I was a murderer (or some other sort of unsavoury character) I could easily conceal my weapon and walk free as a bird into the complex. So the whole barier thing is just a big silly waste of time and money. Honestly, the way some of those men act over pushing the button on that barier thing - you'd think it was some sort of major brain surgery. Come on, I go in and out practically everyday - you should know me by now. You'd almost think they expected me to walk to class or something - yeah right!
I'm not ashamed to admit my love for the Jeremy Kyle show. A few years ago, I would have been repulsed at the thought of watching this type of a programme (only being able to bear the odd episode of Kilroy). Jeremy though, has made me see the light at the end of the tunnel. Everything about the show is so ridiculous - its bloody brilliant! Today one senario involved a woman and a baby - with three potential fathers. Jeremy was putting on bets about who would wind up being the dad. Don't even know who it was in the end. Think they have to come back for the DNA results some other day. Then one other day, this man came on who'd offered his former wife £1000 if she never had another man in her life. Seriously like can these people be real. I hope to god not. Ah I'm sure half of it is set up at least. Still wouldn't mind a chance to sit in the audience and jeer the baddies. Anyone know where I could get a ticket? Or may be I'll make up my own little drama. I've have been subjected to repeated shock treatment (by one not to be named Swede). This has rendered me in a nervous disposition on a continual basis. Think that would do for a start and I'll see if I could get a lie detector test and a few other goodies thrown in as well!
I've borrowed the use of the word goat to describe many people recently. I got it from Martin and I'm not sure who he got it from. Though its a great word. So many ways you can apply it to everything. First of all, there is just plain and simple goat. If timed properly this can be fairly effective. However, other alternatives include - goat queen, goat overlord, goatness, goatism, goats go global, goats get even, goatisation, you goat it - and much, much more! Who would have thought such a small word could bring so much linguistic delight!
I heard a really good report on the radio last week. More or less, it just proved how ironic life can be sometimes. As everyone knows, Al Gore (formally a runner for the US presidency) brought out a film recently on the impact of climate change. I suppose the film was probably about trying to get people to wake up and smell the coffee so to speak, with a nice little bundle of dollars for Mr Gore (purely a secondary concern - i'm sure). Well, the heart of the matter is that someone got a bit of juicy info on Mr Gore's carbon consumtion and would you believe it - he's about 8 times the average level. Hah! raging or what! hardly the way to add legitimacy to his cause. Of course some spokesman came on and said that Gore planted trees - and this cancelled out his carbon emissions. Must be some amount of trees! Though this is kind of funny, in some respects I really wanted his message to get out there. Oh well, looks like we will just have to keep on pumping out the emissions and bide our time until the world is so far under water - that we all have to turn into mermaids! Now that would be good! May be climate change won't be so bad afterall.
This blog entry is devoted to the flavouring of crisps. Yes, a rare and random topic but still it intrigues me. Wel, i just bought a packet of chicken flavoured crisps today. God do they stink! May be its just me but i've noticed in recent years that crisp makers feel the need to layer on the flavouring. I mean its taking your life in your hands just eating a pack of Walkers salt and vinegar. Where's the salt? there is that much bloody vinegar on them - it makes my eyes water. Similarly with cheese and onion. If you want to cut off all conversations with everyone for a few days - i suggest trying a bag of Tayto cheese and onion. Their sure thing for solitary confinement. I wonder if i suggest a new and improved 'less flavour - more taste' version of all the crisps out there - to each maker. Wel, they do all sorts of low fat ones so why not a reduced flavour brand. May be i should start a campaign - bring back normal flavoured crisps and less flavour should also mean a lower price. Ah my plan will win all round!
I've just been thinking about what type of person gets told the most gossip. Hairdressers automatically came to mind when i thought about it. I bet they get told all sorts. Well the environment is just right. You're sitting back getting your hair styled, flicking through a mag or drinking coffee - you're carried away on a wave of carelessness and cafeen. Suddenly, without you even knowing, you start to spew out massive (rather personal) pieces of info like - I'm so many weeks pregnant or we're having a bit of trouble getting the mortgage paid etc or some other piece of hot goss that you picked up on route to the salon. Can't say i've ever been a victim of hairdresser enduced confessions. I think it mostly happens to the marrieds of this world. Then of course there are the other candidates for the top gossip profession -- taxi-drivers. Yep, definitely think, they are on a level with the hairdresser. Once again, picture the scene. You get into the car and start talking about good old faithfuls like the weather, the traffic or the rubbish drivers. Next thing you know - you're talking about the neighbour's whose house got searched by the drug squad or the man who built 'that house' in violation of the planning laws, to which you add "their making him pull it down you know. That'll put a bit of a hole in the aul boy's pocket".
Isn't the weather great! it provides endless hours of conversation for us all and we don't even recognise it. Well, think about it - man walks into shop and buys milk, the person says to him "hello how are you? isn't that a terrible day?" and man replies "yeah shocking can't believe the amount of rain we're getting". this ridiculous senario is then repeated between shop assistant and every other man, woman (or whatever) who comes into the shop. Even if we meet someone for the first time, its surprising how long you can drag out of a weather conversation. "Nice weather we're having" man says and woman replies "yeah its fantastic, how long do you think it will last". "I'd say a few weeks, well i heard that on the tv anyway" and woman replies "think you're right, though they can often be wrong with the weather". So man says "sure i know what you mean..." So it goes something along those lines. Since when did we all become budding weather experts? Ah well still it fills the gap for painful silences and means you get to have a conversation without actually saying anything worthwhile! Anyway before i go - wasn't that a lovely day, did you get much sun where you were?
Ah don't you just love the countryside. Fresh air, a calm atmosphere and a one bus a day transport system. Last Saturday, me and sis (to be gramatically correct here it should be my sister and I - but who needs fucken grammer) were waiting on the bus to dear old Dungannon. Needless to say it never showed. I suppose we could have been late but judgng on the buses normal departure times we were early. May be for once it left on time! Anyway, not to be defeated i rang the bus dept. "do you know if the omagh to dungannon bus came in yet?" i said "no, i'm not sure i just do the tickets" she replied. Ah great, so none of us will ever know if the dam bus went or not. May be she was the bus driver and didn't want to admit to the fact that she'd forgotten to pic up the poor foundered goats in Pomeroy. I could make a complaint i suppose but why waste my time and energy doing that when i can vent my anger at (now officially renamed) tramplink through this blog!
Living in Elms means shared kitchens whichalso means that if someone doesn't do their dishes then life can be a little messy. the block i lived in last year would have one the record on dish dirtying. There was a strict policy of no dish washing. Ah perhaps the poor little dears were alergic to washing up liquid (well some of them were definitely alergic to water anyway!) or may be it was the lack of a 'mammy' to do them that was the issue. I wonder could Elms provide a rent a 'maamy' service for these people. After all, for most of them its their first time away from the home comforts, a harsh reality of independent living kicks in here! I bet most of them hardly no the route to the sink in their own homes. So its hardly surprising they ain't managed to find it in Elms. Perhaps this could all be solved with a good orientation of the kitchen. "this is the sink, where you wash your dishes, all you need is some fairy, water and a little elbow grease" and then a short demo to follow on how best to wash a plate (and any other essentials). Well this wasn't really meant to be about treating lazy students but i've wrote all that crap so it can just stay. The real heart of the matter though, is that someone this year is really going all out to dirty dishes. this years kitchen is quite clean (at least in comparison to Chestnut and Marty can back me up on this one). But someone is definitly dirtying stuff and not washing it. Normally you would think this individual could be easily smoked out! No such luck so far. I've got my suspect list though and i'm working through it. I thought about leaving the dirty pile outside their door or trying to get access to the room and hiding them so that an almighty stink would follow! However I've settled on an amnesty, if mr or miss x would come forward now please and give themselves in to the kitchen police then i can't imagine the sentence will be too long. Perhaps a head ducking in a sink of dirty dish water! hah!
Now i'm sure i'm not the only student with boring lecturers. I know its not exactly easy to make some subjects interesting - let alone foundations of european union law! Honestly though, where did they get these ones from? so far i have fallen asleep in all the lectures on this module. thankfully placing yourself near the back and beside the walll, can provide an extremely good resting spot. Yesterday, the topic was subsidiarity and proportionality - deadly stuff! if you're into that sort of thing. the handout for the lecture was 16 pages - just in case you missed that 16 pages! What the hell was he thinking? the average size is about half this and less. I know they're trying hard but let's face it - who the fuck wants to sit through that. You would have thought the man would have got the message by now. Considering about ten people got up and walked out during it. I might go the next day with a placard reading "who told you, you could teach." Nah! may be i'll take more drastic action and just do a protest from the comfort of my own bed!
Another week in Elms and another bloody broken kitchen appliance. last week, it was the kettle - with its two massive holes - spewing out boiling water. i complained about that, filling in the usual form. shortly after i got a letter bac saying they had kettles on order. Oh sure why would you walk into the nearest shop and buy one - when you can order 100 of them and get a 20% reduction. What a bunch of cheap skates! what if I had got electricuted or someone else on the floor. Still i suppose health and safety comes along way behind the Elms financial agenda. Well, never fear, its fixed now. Brand new kettle - only it takes a half hour to boil! Trust this place, its the only one that could get rid of a completely useless and dangerous appliance and replace it with an even worse one! Still i suppose we can bear it - just about. though to add insult to injury. The stupid goats manage to automatically defrost the freezer this week. What a joke! So for a day or so there was no working freezer and even the fridges weren't working properly. So I'm away now to add up the food i've lossed and charge it to the asses! Wouldn't you know, i seem to have an unusually large amount in it this week. What a pity Elms will have to refund me for organic salmon steaks, several loafts of bread and possibly a few lobsters as well. Who said Elms are the only profit making venture round here!
For all those unaware of the mighty Elms Village (its the rather interesting name for Queens halls) - which just so happen to be my place of residence. A few words of caution though should be noted about this place before any unsuspecting first year or other innocent member of the public gets sucked into the financial vice that is Elms. First off, if you want a decent room here - you'll pay for it! lets say you're not going to be getting much change out of £3000. ok so its not all that bad. To a certain extent there is good value for money here. plenty of hot water, heating and great internet access. the ultimate wish list of most students living in the deprived slums of the Holylands! However there are some added extras about Elms that everyone should be aware off. Firstly, it is and will be probably for as long as i can imagine - the busiest building site in bfst. there are constantdrillings hammerings and other such work going on! If you're coming to Elms don't forget you're hard hat! Also, it works on a key card system. So its a constant battle to remember the key card when leavng your room. so far i've managed to win on this score. I only needed it replaced last week for the first time and that was because it had fallen apart. the man behind reception tried to charge me £25 for the privilllege of a new card. of course this sent me into - law student - i know my rights - you can't tramp over me mode! After hearing my argument for why i should get one for free, he was left in no doubt where he could stick his £25 charge! oh and what's more, Elms have the highest price i ever heard for sending you out a letter. For example, last year a £25 fee was deducted from my deposit due to so called 'administrative costs' - yeah right! more like an involuntary contribution to all the staff for their Christmas Doo!
I'm thoroughly sick and tired of people mistaking me for younger than what i am. Therefore i am going to vent my anger at these individuals via a meaningless and probably senseless blog entry. Oh well, i'm going to do it anyway! just last thursday while walking through the streets of bfst (belfast - because i'm too lazy to right the whole word) - along with my sister. We were stopped by a man (from some cancer charity). he said to my sister (aged 16) - "can i ask you a few questions as you are clearly over eighteen" - well she replied "actually i'm not" - i stood there hoping to God he would not embarrass both me and him by then trying to ask me. Thankfully it passed off without much more happening. I'm so disgusted he didn't think it worth the while to even speculate that i might be over 18. Uh what a goat! that wasn't the worst incident of recent times though. i was attending this dinner event style thing - where there were a good mix of adults and children - as far as the desserts whent (being a cheap ass hotel) only the children got ice-cream and the adults had to do with (far from hot) tea/coffee. Sure enough, the waitress approached our table and sat down a bowl of ice-cream in front of my youngest sister. Then she proceeded to give me a bowl as well. once again horrified at this clear disregard for my age! i gladly tucked in and found (much to my delight - as i could rub it in) that i had got the better deal. Sometimes it pays to look younger than your age but i think its real potential won't be unleashed until i hit the 30 mark!
Ah, another weekend over. Where does the time go. it seems like fridays are no sooner here until its monday again! Back to a full week of hard graft in bfst. Attending law lectures and trying to keep myself from drifting off in the middle of the most exciting discussion on Tort law! Not! Even worse i return on sunday evening to find that the fuse has gone in the kitchen in the halls. No microwave, no tv and no bloody kettle. Makes you wander why you pay the rent. Oh wait i don't thats the parents job! lol yeah right, more like stretching (the already stretched out - students loan). Well anyway, looks like its a return to the good old days of heating a saucepan on the cooker and trying to make that most vital of substances - tea. If i don't get my tea every morning i'm not worth a dam. By the way, the only reason i am filling this blog in, is because otherwise i would be stuck in front of the tv. of course thats not possible and so this is occupying the time nicely for me. No real other crac, that i need to record for my own purposes except that i can't believe Scor is next week. i'm supposed to be taking part in the solo singing bit (any unwelcomed support remains - you've guessed it - unwelcome!). Just joking, if anyone wants to come they can and acontribution for the judges bribe money would be much appreciated.
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